The Good seemed Suspicious!!

The Kind of Palm behind the Buddha

The “Kind of Palm” behind the Buddha.

This is from the recent accounts of my diary-October 2013. We had some new friends, joining us for a weekend bash!

We moved into a fully furnished house, on reaching Munich. But, you know, how it is with women! “We can spot plenty miss outs, if, we have not participated in the earlier set up.” So, I took my husband’s travelling, and, my daughter being at school, as an opportunity to quench my “being woman syndrome”. I sneaked out for some decorative spending, with two huge stroller bags.

I shopped every item on the list, with, just about five items more. And, you know! It’s absolutely fine by women standard!

My real treasure for the day was a potted plant “kind of palm”, irresistibly purchased, as, it perfectly complimented the seated Buddha in our living area. (attached picture.)

Post billing, I just about dragged myself to the U-Bahn (underground train) station, with my bags, and a half zipped backpack housing my much possessed “kind of palm”.  I gathered gazes all along!

No! I was surely not in my best dressed looks that day! They were only curious to watch me pull so much on my own!

I did yearn for help then, but never really expected one! Thanks to the early age programming: “take care of the belongings and do not trust strangers!” The tutoring springs from bitter experiences after all!

So, all by myself, while I waited for the train hoping nothing happened to my “kind of palm” treasure, I suddenly felt some weight off my back! I knew the half closed zips had relaxed. In sudden reflexes, I glanced over my shoulder for the falling palm, only to discover a hand holding it! With half perturbed, half “Oh my God it’s safe” looks, I looked up to find a lady with an angelic smile, probably in her 50’s,  holding my treasure. She was waiting there to board the same U-Bahn.

Yes! She had spotted the dangling “kind of palm”, and grabbed it before it displaced itself, much to my dismay!

I placed my treasure back into the backpack. The train arrived and I got in, all intact with her help. We both had to change at the central station, into different U-Bahns. She offered me help to get into the final U-Bahn, which meant crossing over for the platform.

Reluctantly, I said yes as I really needed help. Reluctance was not because the lady would have to carry it all along! It was because: “Oh my God! what’s her motive? Why is she being so nice to me? I hope she won’t run away with my bag!”

All along, I kept looking into her face, to ensure she had no accomplices around waiting to run away with my bag. I know now, I was undeniably mean! Each time I glanced at her, she smiled back radiantly. For a moment, I thought, she expected some cash for this favor. But, she did not ask any, and, I did not offer. How could I? What if she got infuriated?

The U-Bahn arrived, and she helped me get in. I hastily said thanks, before she quickly got off and the doors slid on. The last glimpse I had of hers was, while she was rushing to the escalator for her U-Bahn, waving at me!

I had a deep, sinking feeling, realising I’d messed up! I’d lost some precious moments, back in time! At least, I could have known her well, and, savored the experience instead of languishing all along.

But, I swear! I could not help being in delusion! The good has got so scarce, that coming across it, seems an errant to the norm, not in sync with the commonplace beliefs!

I said to myself…”Just, what are we headed to become?”

 

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Mature lives..Immature living!

2013-10-26 14.56.23

It’s a new morning. This picture of absolutely mesmerizing  beauty of nature is from my backyard. 

How life-affirming are the vibes! The rays of sunshine sneaking through the tall trees, as though making way to sparkle the solitude of the confined space. Every time I look at these sneaking sun rays, I’m mellowed by its warmth & kindness. I often feel what it would be like, if, humans showed similar affection for each other..and be more human than just human beings…

We are always spell-bound by natural beauty. WE ONLY FORGET OUR PART IN IT!! No! I’m not asking you to start planting trees now. Actually you can do that later! 

Just wondering, if, like sun rays we could sparkle some lives around us. We are all part of the same nature!

Wondering if the lost sparkle in many eyes, could be made to glisten when someone holds them and tells them, how grateful they are for having them in their lives. Don’t know why it’s so difficult for people to express that!

Or is it lost somewhere in the conundrums of life? Or is it outdated, to show love and gratitude for people in our lives? Spouses feel kids are grown up and kids feel they are grown up and independent!

After all, we do have that great love locked up in our bosom for our loved ones- what’s the need for that explicit expression & “reassurance” of those feelings?  

But at work? Oh! there this rule does not apply! There we must keep reassuring our worth month on month and year on year. Family & friends? Oh that’s OK! They can be taken for granted! They will always be there!

Oh yes! At office also- it only works with the performance bit! Actually for some of us that’s only a self proclaimed effort- how much we actually make a difference to the organization? Well, how does it matter? At least we rush to be there every morning right? And it’s fine- we do get salary after all! 

As for the colleagues around. We do have some best buddies. Gossiping about a colleague with a glum face-right opposite our desk is just fine! There is no need of peeping behind those expressions to discover a solitary being, or a being whose conditioning has eclipsed his/her smile. Why miss a lunch with our best buddy to make this cynic laugh? After all this very cynicism is the topic of entertainment! 

I wonder, if we can ever break free from our botched up understanding of living life, and, sparkle the spaces around us. Especially when there is nothing blocking the path, except for our own, self consumed, shallow living..